Why do I have a feeling that when someone says "O ye of little faith" that they are referring to me?
I was raised a member of the United Church of Christ, a Protestant denomination. My parents were not avid churchgoers, my attendance was sporadic as well. I never felt a "calling" to the church, I never truly believed much of what I was being taught. Personally I always felt like the members of my church had their hearts in the right place but not for reasons of their own. They literally seemed to be sheep of the flock, going whichever way their shepherd led them. My beliefs have not changed much over the years. However, I had always kept quiet about my lack of faith, I would occasionally attend church and acted as if I believed, although it was painfully obvious that I was not enthusiastic. Most of these actions were out of respect for my mother's and aunt's beliefs and the respect I had for each of them as a person.
In the past two years I've lost both of these special people. Each of them knew the end was near for some time, and each of them encouraged me to embrace the church and the beliefs on which the church is founded. In my heart I knew (and I think they did as well) that I could never do that. They feared for me, for my soul, for the loss they would feel if they were unable to reunite with me in some great beyond. A part of me fears that I have failed them, but that is a small voice, drowned out by my own larger belief that the claims of the Christian church and any other religions I am familiar with are inaccurate.
I am an atheist. Now that I don't feel that I have to play a part for someone else, I am more certain of this than ever. I don't believe in any god. I don't believe that any religion is true. I am happier and stronger as a person now that I feel free to make these statements. I don't intend to make this a challenge to those of you who do believe, either a challenge to change your mind or a challenge for you to change mine. This is simply a statement of my belief.
