Ben & Jerry's should be issuing an official recall notice for their new ice cream flavor Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream any day now. It has been determined that the ice cream poses serious health risks and should be removed from homes as soon as possible. Below is my personal experience with this ice cream and I'm certain that there are tens of thousands of similar cases around the country right now.
While my case has a bit of history that I cannot blame on the ice cream itself, this may not be true in all cases. The previous history I refer to is slight back pain for several days before this incident. However, the ice cream was directly responsible for the aggravation of the situation.
On Thursday evening, I decided to open the new container of Ben & Jerry's Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream. My wife, who was in the kitchen at the time, took notice to this, picket up the container from the countertop, and tried to steal a spoonful for herself. I reacted in the only reasonable manner, I grabbed the container from her and ran down the stairs screaming "Mine! Mine! Mine!". I then proceeded to yank open the back door, and ran around the yard, continuing to scream while eating the ice cream. Meanwhile my wife was chasing me yelling "Give that back! Everyone deserves a piece of the Americone Dream!"
It was then I realized that the pain in back had increased dramatically and I am still paying the price today. I place the blame for this incident squarely on the shoulders of Stephen Colbert. He never should have allowed his name to be attached to such a potentially harmful product. I don not, however, regret my actions. You simply cannot go to far to attempt to protect the Americone Dream.
PS: My wife did eventually get her spoonful (and then some).
PPS: While the viewpoints expressed in this story are comically exaggerated, the pain involved is not.
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